notes #6: the 5 things to do in life

Hey friends,

Recently I came across a video talking about the 5 things we should do in life:

• One thing to have fun

• One thing to make money

• One thing to stay healthy

• One thing to learn and grow

• One thing to build relationships

Intuitively this seems to make sense. But what do each of this actually mean, and is there time to do all of them?

So I decided to investigate further by having three authors respond to each activity through my understanding of their books.

• The First Rule of Mastery by Michael Gervais

• Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee

• The Long Game by Dorie Clark

Keep in mind these are only perspectives and do not represent an answer.

On Having Fun

📖 The First Rule of Mastery:

• Many people suppress their interests because they worry about judgment (e.g., “What will people think if I take up painting/singing/gaming at my age?”).

• True fun happens when you stop curating your actions for approval and embrace autonomy—choosing what feels right for you, not what’s socially accepted.

Action: Ask yourself: Would I still enjoy this if no one knew I was doing it? If yes, then do it.

📖 Do Nothing:

• Fun and leisure aren’t rewards for productivity—they’re necessary for a fulfilling life.

• Idleness isn’t laziness; it’s about engaging in non-productive activities that bring joy.

Action: Have an untouchable day each week for pure fun—no work, no social media, no optimizing.

📖 The Long Game:

• Many people get caught in the busyness trap and neglect fun because they equate productivity with self-worth. But fun is necessary for creativity, resilience, and long-term success.

• Strategic leverage: Find activities that are both fun and valuable. Example: If you enjoy writing, turn it into a blog or newsletter that also builds your audience.

Action: Identify what feels fun and energizing, not just what’s productive.

Personally, I still find time for purely fun stuff like gaming or watching entertaining videos. But at the same time, I try to derive some of the fun I have from doing work that I like or writing about ideas I care about which helps to kill two birds with one stone.

It’s a different kind of fun — one is pure dopamine rush and the other is a form of creative expression. And don’t forget the fun part of hanging out with other people.

On Making Money

📖 The First Rule of Mastery:

• Many people chase money because they believe financial success will earn respect. But when you let external validation drive career choices, you risk losing autonomy.

• Self-Determination Theory (Competence, Relatedness, Autonomy) suggests a fulfilling career isn’t just about making money—it’s about feeling capable, connected, and in control.

Action: Instead of asking, What will impress others?, ask, What gives me competence, relatedness, and autonomy?

📖 Do Nothing:

• The idea of working harder just to buy more may not be the best strategy. Instead, make money to buy time, not things.

• The hedonic treadmill means that more money won’t necessarily make you happier after your needs are met.

Action: Instead of increasing hours worked, increase leverage—build assets that generate income without requiring constant effort. And use them to increase the amount of free time you have.

📖 The Long Game:

• Saying yes to every opportunity leads to being average at everything. Saying no helps you focus on high-leverage opportunities.

• The 80/20 rule means focusing on the small number of things that bring in the most money.

Action: Use a decision-making checklist to filter work opportunities based on impact and opportunity cost.

Making money is often the biggest thing on our minds, and one we spend the most amount of time on, for better or worse. While easier said than done, and sometimes situations just don’t permit for it — if possible, we should strive to work in improving our competence, relatedness, and autonomy through choosing the right work, and using the money from it to increase long-term leverage.

As shared above, a few concepts can help achieve this:

• Find opportunities that have 10x leverage — do once reap 10x e.g. creating content, building products

• Saying no to everything but the most valuable opportunities

• If that’s not possible due to other constraints, try to spend at least 20% of your time on long-term high-reward opportunities

On Staying Healthy

📖 The First Rule of Mastery:

• Health isn’t just about the body; it’s also about mental resilience. Fear of others' opinions creates stress, self-doubt, and anxiety.

• Between stimulus and response, there’s a space where we have control. This applies to emotional regulation (not reacting impulsively to criticism) and discipline (not giving in to bad habits).

Action: When you feel self-conscious at the gym or about health choices, pause and ask: Am I avoiding this because of my own discomfort or because I fear judgment?

📖 Do Nothing:

• Overworking makes us sick; leisure, breaks, and real rest (not passive scrolling) improve health.

• Limit deep work to 2–5 hours per day. More than that leads to burnout and diminishing returns.

Action: Schedule active leisure (walks, sports, creative hobbies) instead of passive recovery (TV, endless scrolling).

📖 The Long Game:

• Constraints can be leveraged to make health a priority. Example: If you’re busy, use time-efficient workouts or habit stack health activities into your routine (walking meetings, standing desk, etc.).

Action: Find a way to integrate health with other areas (e.g., a sport that’s social, or fitness content creation if you enjoy sharing).

Health is of the most overlooked stuff when we are young — oftentimes out of laziness or a lack of creative discipline (and also because we don’t appreciate things until we lose them).

But the reality is that if we just spend a little time daily for our health, it will have a compounded improvement over time. Don’t let judgment, work, or other constraints hold you back on the most important thing in your life.

On Learning & Growing

📖 The First Rule of Mastery:

• Growth is impossible if you're only looking for information that confirms what you already believe.

• The confirmation bias concept reminds us to seek uncomfortable truths that challenge our current understanding.

• Mastery is about committing to personal growth independent of external opinions.

Action: Learn something that challenges your ego—pick up a skill you’re bad at and embrace the process without fear of judgment.

📖 Do Nothing:

• People with high time perception make more space for learning and contemplation.

• When idle, your brain activates the default network, where deep learning and insights happen.

Action: Take “nothing time” seriously—schedule thinking walks, journaling, or free writing to let insights emerge.

📖 The Long Game:

• Clark’s Think in Waves model fits perfectly here:

  • Learning wave → Study and experiment.

  • Creating wave → Apply and teach what you’ve learned.

  • Connecting wave → Build relationships with others in your field.

  • Reaping wave → Benefit from your expertise and reputation.

Action: Dedicate 20% time to learning and bet on high-risk, high-reward knowledge areas (like AI, blockchain, or emerging tech in your industry).

The three books each covers a different aspect of learning and growth: overcoming fear or weakness, allowing time for imagination, and dedicating time for high-risk high-reward areas.

All three can be said to be equally important, and oftentimes they are not mutually exclusive. In fact, looking at my past week, I have dealt with each of them in the process of learning how to create content effectively.

On Building Relationships

📖 The First Rule of Mastery:

• The book argues that while we are deeply interconnected, we’ve lost touch with our social nature in a healthy way. Instead of forming real bonds, we seek validation from distant crowds.

• When we conform to perceived social expectations, we weaken our true connections.

• Real belonging comes from authenticity, not performing for approval.

Action: Build relationships by being yourself fully—connect with those who accept you rather than those who force you to conform.

📖 Do Nothing:

• Social media tricks us into thinking we’re connected, but real human interactions are what matter.

• Time spent with people in real life is essential for happiness.

Action: Create intentional social time—coffee with a friend, a no-phone dinner, or a low-effort weekly hangout.

📖 The Long Game:

• Heads-down mode is great for deep work, but relationships require heads-up mode to stay connected. Think of it as exploiting vs exploring.

• Strategic leverage: One high-quality relationship can lead to 10x opportunities. Instead of random networking, focus on meaningful, long-term connections.

Action: Be intentional—schedule regular catch-ups, give without expecting immediate returns, and use content as a bridge to attract like-minded people.

All three books focus on two key concepts: being authentic and being present. And while it sounds simple in writing, it’s terribly difficult to execute. But don’t fret, it’s supposed to be an ongoing process of getting better every time.

And most important of all, appreciate the people that you meet throughout your life.

So what…

The purpose of the above discussion is to bring to light various aspects that could lead to a more fulfilling life. Whether it’s true or not I’m not sure, but I’ve tried to reflect on various perspectives through the lens of different authors.

Moving forward, I’m going to try to identify some activities I’m working on now and figure out how I can cover all the aspects above. Ideally, I can find some overlaps, like running a business that is built on my passion, or joining a sports club where I can meet new people.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Joesurf

💡 Inspiration of the Week

🧠 Weekly Notes

📖 Book [6/10] — The First Rule of Mastery by Michael Gervais:

• Self-Determination Theory (Competence, Relatedness, Autonomy): a fulfilling career isn’t just about making money—it’s about feeling capable, connected, and in control.

• Stimulus-Response Space: there is a space between an external stimulus and our internal response and understanding that can help us regular our emotions better ⭐

• Authenticity over conformity: overcoming fear of others’ opinions addresses a lot of the problems we face today ⭐

📖 Book [5/10] — Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee:

• Hedonic treadmill: more money won’t make you happier, unless you use it wisely such as “buying future time back”

• Time perception: knowing exactly what’s going on with your time

• Nothing time: thinking walks, journaling, free writing

📖 Book [7/10] — The Long Game by Dorie Clark:

• The 10x concept of strategic leverage: do once, reap 10 times e.g. creating a piece of content and repurposing it 10 ways ⭐

• The 20% rule of opportunities: spend 20% of your time on high-reward long-time opportunities ⭐

• Optimising for goals: if you don’t have something meaningful or passionate to chase, optimise for interest