notes #12: on the perfect life, self-help books, and more

For a long time, I have been in search of and chasing the optimal life — the one where I’m most productive, most happy, and ….

And many books exist to serve this craving of mine, promoting and promising greater success, personal growth or otherwise.

While some are quite prescriptive, most authors who truly understand the human experience are simply sharing their side of the story. And almost all have the same basic assumption: we are the same yet different.

With more of this knowledge of the good life widely available, and more experiments and analysis conducted to identify what really “works”, I’m starting to wonder if there is a singular answer. Common sense dictates that there isn’t — but if there is, what does it look like?

My latest read — The 5 Types of Wealth, wonderfully written by Sahil Bloom, captures a lot of the ideas I’ve seen across a wide range of books, from hard science to psychology, from spiritual to personal development. And I loved it — for it was exactly the kind of book I would have hoped to write in 10 years time.

Suppose the book, having identified the 5 aspects of life (time, financial, physical, social, mental), is the most comprehensive guide on living, does it mean that we should simply follow its outline?

Of course, Sahil takes heed of the most basic assumption too — that while we will all share these 5 aspects of life, we are different in our decision to prioritise certain aspects over others throughout the course of our lives.

In the sea of advice, it’s easy to think that there is an ideal way of living, of doing things so that you won’t have any regrets.

But I think that’s where the problem lies. It should be okay to do something less than ideal — to just do stupid things once in a while and let them define us. For what is imperfect will be the very thing that defines who we are.

And more importantly, no matter how many books you read about finding your passion or cherishing what you have, the real lesson often comes from experience — and the knowledge is simply there to guide us in reaching that realisation quickly. So just do it.

Optimisation

I often forget that optimisation is an extremely specific game.

We like to ask the following questions

• Is running optimal for losing weight? Or is building muscle more optimal?

• Is going to university optimal for making the most money?

• Is getting married early or later in life more optimal?

And it’s obvious that nothing is optimal for everything — there is always a specific goal that is being optimised for. As many successful entrepreneurs have said, once you have identified the problem, the solution presents itself almost obviously.

The problem we commonly face is that we ask the wrong questions, identify the wrong problem, or try to fix a different one.

Is running optimal for losing weight? Yes, if you’re trying to lose the most weight in one session. Not really if you’re looking at long-term weight loss. And not too great if you’re extremely unfit.

Yet when thinking about life, we fail to see the same pattern: what is the optimal way to live?

That is a terrible question to ask — and you probably won’t get the answer you’re seeking for. Instead, dig deeper into the problem — reflect on your life and what is important to you, and the answer will eventually show itself.

Simplicity

The problem with optimisation or finding the ideal way is that the answers you often get can be quite complex.

Suppose you read the book on how to influence people and in there you find more than a dozen rules. How do you go about applying them?

For the studious one who try to integrate a rule every week into your daily life, that’s awesome.

But suppose you simply follow one rule: reciprocate. If someone treats you well, you do the same. If you helped someone and they ghost you right after, stop contacting them.

As it turns out, just following this rule will probably help you build several meaningful relationships and avoid harmful ones — which from an outside perspective might look like you have optimised relationship-building, but in reality, the results all manifest themselves from a simple rule.

For those who are familiar with financial markets or natural evolution, you’ll also see that many complex events arise as the result of a few simple rules or actions.

What I’m trying to say is that what’s more important than learning all the rules and secrets in life is to simply pick one good one and run with it. All the way.

Maybe it’s something abstract at the value level:

• Do no harm onto others.

• Put first things first.

Or maybe it’s something concrete:

• Have dinner with family or friends every Sunday.

• Read for one hour every day no matter what happens.

• Get in the best shape of your life.

Focusing on being healthy does not mean you are just prioritising your physical health. As Charlie Munger mentions in his almanack, one or a few things can combine to have ripple effects on the rest of your life.

How does having dinner with family or friends every Sunday help?

• Makes you remember the importance of your loved ones and why you do what you do the rest of the week

• Gives you a breather from work and other events no matter how busy you are, helping you do better work when you’re back

• Provides you a chance to learn from what others are doing and bounce ideas and insights, unblocking you from things you are getting stuck on

And that’s it for today’s letter. Thanks for reading.

Cheers,
Joesurf