daily reflections: why we keep wanting more even when we don't like it

Recently I have been struggling with something a lot: distraction.

Scrolling, binging, gaming…

But I’m not sure why. One possibility is this rather well-known molecule known as dopamine. It’s something transmitted by our brain that signals more — more food, more games, and more videos.

And the best part about it? It tells us more even when we don’t necessarily like it.

Have you wondered why you want to add that additional piece of fried chicken, even when you know you don’t really like it? Or that you keep scrolling for hours, even when it doesn’t make you any happier? This is the power — or perhaps the trick — of dopamine.

Dopamine: The Molecule of More
Book by Daniel Lieberman

Dopamine has a very specific job: maximising resources that will be available to us in the future; the pursuit of better things. As Daniel Lieberman describes in The Molecule of More, dopamine is not about the satisfaction of what you already have but about chasing what you could have. It’s a molecule that thrives on potential, anticipation, and future rewards.

This is why dopamine feels insatiable. Once we achieve the goal it drove us toward — finishing a video, eating that extra snack, or reaching the next level in a game — dopamine doesn’t celebrate the accomplishment. Instead, it immediately shifts its focus to the next target. The result? A constant pursuit of "more," which can leave us feeling stuck in a loop of wanting without ever truly feeling fulfilled.

The problem here is that better or maximising here equates to more, and more is not often actually better for us.

Wanting vs Liking
Or why you regret buying something

Wanting more isn’t always the result of liking something. It’s often just the way our brain works - thinking more is better due to evolutionary reasons.

• Wanting (dopamine) → Purchase → Liking (endorphins, oxytocin, serotnin)

• Wanting < Liking: great purchase

• Wanting > Liking: terrible purchase

• Both are the result of different systems → not always in equivalence

The appearance of irrational choices is the result of the person acting on dopamine urges that has rewired the brain to act differently.

In scientific terms, when the dopamine system is:

• At rest: activating 3 - 5 times per second

• Excited: activating 20 - 30 times per second

• Expected reward fails to materialise: activating 0 times (shuts down)

Anyway, back to the question at hand…

Is it because we want to do it or that we are avoiding something else?
Distraction is a tricky thing

I’m inclined to think that it’s more of the latter — avoiding work or exercise. In other words, escaping reality.

At first glance, it feels like we’re chasing pleasure — indulging in things that make us happy, like a great burger or a sweet beverage. But upon reflection, it seems much deeper than that. Sure, these activities can bring brief moments of joy, but why do I find myself reaching for things I don’t even enjoy that much? Lately, it seems like I’m eating foods that I don’t particularly like (and not because they’re healthy), or spending hours scrolling aimlessly, even though the act feels dull and uninspiring.

It makes me wonder: are these behaviors truly about seeking pleasure, or are they ways to avoid discomfort? Avoidance might not feel obvious in the moment, but think about it — every time I pick up my phone to scroll, there’s usually something else I’m putting off, like work, chores, or even just sitting with my thoughts.

It’s probably both

After much thought, I think it’s a reinforcing loop of both:

1. Trigger - avoid doing what I’m doing now, which is hard or not to my liking

2. Desire - craving the dopamine hit of getting something good from scrolling, eating, etc.

This endless cycle becomes a pattern, an autopilot mode that’s hard to escape once you’re caught in it. The brain, conditioned to associate avoidance with a quick surge of dopamine, keeps replaying this loop. The more we engage in these behaviors, the easier it becomes to default to them whenever we feel stress, boredom, or discomfort.

It’s almost like building a muscle — except this one is for distraction. Each time we give in, we strengthen the connection between avoiding a task and indulging in something easier, reinforcing the habit. Over time, these responses start to feel automatic, like they’re happening without conscious thought.

And this is where it becomes tricky: dopamine not only rewards us for these behaviors but also makes us crave them even more. The more we scroll, binge, or snack, the more our brain starts to associate these actions with relief, even if they’re not truly satisfying. In the long run, it creates a tug-of-war between what we want to achieve and what feels easy in the moment.

Passion and Work

Anyway, another thing that Daniel mentioned is the role of pleasure molecules like serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. It made me realise a link between doing something out of passion versus doing something for a particular goal.

When we enjoy something, pleasure molecules are driving the action. And they continue to produce for as long as we like it. This is the kind of sustained happiness that comes from doing something we’re truly passionate about — whether it’s creating art, playing music, or engaging in meaningful conversations. These actions don’t need a finish line because the joy is in the process itself.

On the other hand, when we are driven by a goal, for more money or otherwise, dopamine is often the lead. Dopamine thrives on targets — achieving a promotion, hitting a sales goal, or even finishing a book. But as Daniel Lieberman points out, this type of motivation is not sustainable in the long term. Once dopamine has guided you to the reward, it crashes, leaving you feeling unmotivated and seeking the next “fix.”

So does it mean those who do it for passion will always win? Not really. Everyone needs both. If you ever did something you like, you’ll realise that not every part of it is “fun.” And dopamine is needed to get you through the difficult parts.

It’s this balance — finding joy in the process while also harnessing the drive for progress — that seems key to lasting fulfillment.

So… what does this mean for us

Breaking free from this loop requires more than willpower. It takes awareness of the triggers and intentional effort to disrupt the cycle. Whether it’s by replacing distractions with healthier coping mechanisms or gradually leaning into the discomfort we’re avoiding, the challenge is to retrain the brain to seek satisfaction in more meaningful ways.

This makes me think: if we could redirect this cycle toward something that genuinely fulfils us, could we turn it into a positive force instead of a negative one?

Some possible ideas:

• Focus on making the activity something that you truly enjoy

• Set a time focus block for the difficult parts so you don’t get distracted

• Replace dopamine addictions with something more meaningful or beneficial for the body or mind like reading or exercising

• Have a hard time limit on your dopamine addictions, if required

And the most important one: enjoy what you have.

And that’s it for today’s thoughts. Have a good one.

More is sometimes less,
Joesurf